First blog...

So this is my first blog. I don't really know what I will be using this for. Nothing too important other than some random thoughts I feel like I need to get off my chest. I feel like my life is at a stand-still. A few weeks ago, I felt like I was sliding towards nothing and my life was going to be full of emptiness. Then, I got a letter in the mail from a writing institute, saying that they had accpeted me. I applied and took an aptitude test about a month ago. I was really shocked but so happy and excited that I got in; and the best part is that I can afford to go... or my Mom can afford to pay for me. So I feel less depressed but I feel like something is still missing. I keep applying for job after job and no one is hiring right now. Maybe if I have something to do everyday, I can start to feel better about myself. Make my own money, buy what I want... pay for my car and gas for once instead of letting Mom do it all for me. I mean really now. I am a pathetic excuse for a person. I want to get on with my life and do more and achieve success and be happy.

I guess why I felt like this is because it's a Friday night, and my friends don't really do anything. I am stuck at home doing nothing, AGAIN, and why? Or if they do go and do something, they don't ask me, and honestly, I don't think I am a bad friend or a mean friend. I support everything they want to do. I never judge them. I am 19, I wanna go out and do whatever! I wanna do SOMETHING. I am tired of living my life the way I am. I need a push to change my perspective on life. I dunno, I feel shitty I guess. I am worried about my Mom. She is really sick, she isn't taking care of herself. My sisters don't do anything... one of them is heading into a hole that I don't even know how to get her out of. I wish my Dad were here. He would know what to do. He was so great at everything. I miss him so much.

I don't know what else to say. I need to start my life over.